i miss my baby ZaV.

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i miss MY (mine and only MINE!) baby like mad.

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last night, it felt like the first time she looked at me right in my eyes.
i lost myself in her beautiful eyes.

we were seated at the stairs in Aranda Country Club. it was eric's birthday party.

i could hear my heart thumping and my breaths hastening when i finally plucked up my courage to look at her.
it was so emotional.

i was totally thrashed.
it was so bad i could almost feel myself smashing and falling onto the ground like a shattered glass when she said we might be better off as friends and not lovers because she doesnt want to see me cry time and again.

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then, her offer to stay over brought me back to a pleasant reality.

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her refusal to let go of my hand warmed my heart as we made our way back home.
i have always liked that.

seriously, sometimes i do wonder what is so magical with her eyes that i cant seem to say no whenever she looks into my soul.

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we had some emotional moments at night.
tried hard to bare our hearts to each other and speak what have been in our minds.

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then i had a bad dream.
not a nightmare though. there was no ghosts.
woke up in tears this morning.
even as at now, i can still feel my heart aching when scenes in that horrible dream surface in my mind.

i didnt know i love her so much.
i didnt know she could be so indispensable.

but now i do.