看著妳哭泣的臉　對著我說再見
來不及聽見　 妳已走得很遠

也許妳已經放棄我　
也許已經很難回頭

我知道是自己錯過　
請再給我一個理由說妳不愛我

就算是我不懂　
能不能原諒我
請不要把分手當作妳的請求

我知道堅持要走是妳受傷的藉口
請妳回頭　
我會陪妳一直走到最後

DAMN. I still cant multi-task. Was reading amelia's blog and there was this background music which goes on and on and it distracts. I just can't seem to pen down anything with "noise".

Was at punggol park drinking earlier. Third consecutive night of drinking. Bad.

I talked to her sister. It made me realize alot, because the two sisters are just so alike in so many ways. Her cousin also said, "you'll become a pest if you keep pushing".

How true?

Maybe i already am. I don't know. It's not up to me to pass this verdict.

I just keep feeling that i'll be disappointed tomorrow. The expectation for a certain degree of disappointment lingers in my mind.

I recall she always likes to use lyrics to express her inner feelings.

Maybe she is just so not linguistic, to the extent whereby nothing she pens down will be able to express herself in the most desirable manner. Maybe she does not even like expressing herself in the first place because it kills too much brain cells to think of such stuffs. Maybe and maybe.

Anyway, people all around are asking me to hold on. "Hold on" refers to not pushing for an outcome.

That is not me. It's not like me to wait.

But when my thoughts came to this issue of waiting, i started to recollect the numerous times i waited and waited for the TANG sisters. Wherever and whenever, they can be late. As at now, even i myself is often late. Take this evening for example, i failed to meet her sister on time.

So, the issue is, "have i in fact got used to waiting?"

Can i actually wait?

But this feeling is just too intense for me to wait silently and passively.

I failed to behave "normally" when i met her tonight. I just couldnt bring myself to look at her into the eyes.

I was so afraid of seeing that pair of cold eyes again. The coldness has more than once brought tears. I didnt want to cry in public, especially when people can clearly see us under the bright lightings. That is one super "lose face" kinda thing for her. It is for me as well obviously.

My brain is like kinda numb. Ther's just this sense of numbness. I'm not very sure if it comes from the mind due to the alcoholic effects which had probably built up during the past nights or whether it comes from the heart owing to the repeated disappointments.

Much as i miss her, i wouldnt disturb or irritate her with a call tonight. Maybe she needs space.

Just someday, an outcome may just surface by itself.