She left.

I'm feeling stressed again.

She 'promised' to come back, in an hour's time.

I know i don't need promises. Not at all.

Promises don't really mean anything to me. Perhaps that's because i'm not really the kind of person who fulfills the promises i've made all the time.

I got her to bring her bag along. Wouldn't want her to come back later because she needs to get her bag. That'll be awful.

Don't think i've ever made her promise anything. One thing's for sure, that is, i never made her promise not to be in contact with or meet trina or any of her ex-es.

I wonder how long will this one hour be in actual fact.

Have been spending quite an amount of time waiting lately. I wonder how long do i have to wait tonight.

She sent a sms, apologized for not having tried hard enough to make me feel secure and that actions will be louder than words.

I told her to follow what her heart says and not to get tied down by anything. That includes me.

A few hours ago, she said the temptation of getting back with trina is great.

That sentence really did sink into my mind.

It was the only thing that went on flashing across my stressful mind continuously when i was bathing earlier.

I can feel stress piling up within as well as all around me.

Have absolutely no idea what i should be doing now. Wanted to just sit beside her and watch her maple or study abit of stats. But now, i guess i'll just blog for the next hour.

Folks, read on only if you do have plenty of time to spare.

Are headaches contagious?

She always complain of headaches whenever i make her think and crack her brain over issues. This time round, i'm the one experiencing those irritating headaches instead.

Feel like crying.

I think i will, most probably.

Told loy last night that i'm bound to be the one who loses this 'battle'. The loser is always the one who loves the other more.

Mentioned that to her earlier too.

Trina's trying really hard to get back with her. And that's introducing tremendous stress into my life. Pal is extremely stressed up tonight. Source of stress = academic matters. For me myself, source of stress = trina's never-say-die spirit this time round.

"Am i actually caught in a love triangle currently?" This question did come to my mind this evening, during the 2-hours conversation she had with trina.

My head hurts... . . .

The one philosophy i've always thought is true --- If love brings more pain and hurt than happiness, don't love.

Seeing trina's desperate efforts in trying to get back to her, the thought of simply sharing her with trina actually surfaced in my mind.

I don't want to be experiencing that kinda stress all the time.

As a matter of fact, i'm not sharing her with anyone. But it seems to me that that's only if i view things from a superficial level. If i were to look beyond the surface and 'feel' the situation instead of just looking at it, i am in fact sharing her with trina.

Yes, i am.

At least to me.

Seems like trina's 'tactics' have no effects on her. But i'm the one who has been and is still being affected. Trina's attempts are not taking the desirable effects on her. However, her strategy did not fail her completely. That's because somehow, at least i'm affected in a way.

Stress is a form of unhappiness. Too much of it and i know i'll snap. The relationship will snap. I know i will and the relationship will.

30 mins have passed. Another 30 mins to go. Is it really just gonna be another 30 mins?

Was rather upset this evening when i was again left all alone in her house. But when she came to me after the conversation with tears in her eyes, i can't help it but feel the ache in my heart, though i knew the tears were shed for her, not me.

I'm beginning to wonder if i'm too magnanimous a girlfriend. Are there anyone out there who does the same things i have done or will react in the same way i reacted?

I have made it very clear that i do not have absolute confidence in her, when i kinda understand that by doing so, she'll probably lose interest and confidence in the relationship.

Still, i want her to know it.

She gave me a tight hug before she left. I didn't want to put my arms around her, because that somehow tells me i'm not gonna get a hug again.

But i still did in the end, for some reasons that i'm not even certain of.

Am i really going to be the loser? And when i refer to the term 'loser', it only relates to me and her. Trina's definitely out of the picture, because she wasn't and is not a competitor.

I guess i'm contradicting myself. Didn't i just said that i feel as if i'm sharing her with trina?

Another 16 more mins before the 1-hour is up.

I'm absolutely certain she won't be able to make it back within the '1 hour limit'. Still, i am sure she will be back. It's just a matter of time. She will definitely be back here tonight, because that saint will deliver whichever promise she have made, despite the fact that i didn't take that promise of hers earlier.

It's all a matter of when she'll need to leave, maybe for another hour, maybe for good, again.

I'm being pessimistic here. Cindy's style. She taught me not to pin high hopes lest i get a really bad fall.

11 more mins to go. I still have no idea what i should do or can do besides blogging.

Another thing which i'm sure of, that is, i'm not gonna call or sms.

At times, i do believe that what is meant to be mine will be eventually.

10 more mins... ...

Life was pretty hard before she came. Her presence brought tremendous happiness, laughter and joy. Now, reality is catching up with us and unhappiness is brought into the picture gradually. Well, it's impossible to not have the slightest unhappiness, pain or hurt. Nevertheless, it's a matter of whether the amount of happiness is able to offset the negative feelings by the end of the day.

I'm feeling lethargic. Physical tiredness.

Will i be able to hang on? Can i wait till she's back here?

I don't have the answer to my own questions. Perhaps i can, emotionally, but not physically. Or it could be the other way round.

5 more mins to 12.39am.

3 more mins... . . .

There's nothing i would like to do now besides staring at the screen and the system clock.

The last 2 mins... . . .

My mind has kinda stopped functioning.

1 last min... . . .

Time's up. . .