There's just sooo much i wanna blog about. Been blogging irregularly these days, but did not really have the time and capacity to pen down all that went on in my mind during the past week or so.

Went chilling out with dear dear and her gang of cousins at Happy Daze last night. Was there from 1030 till 0200. Prior to that, i came back home at about 7 in the evening after sessions in Toa Payoh, bathed and tried my very best to come out with the write-up for Accounting assignment. The first time i feel defeated by the subject! The assignment's tough! Or is my brain deteriorating? Spent almost an hour on the assignment. Decided it was leading to nowhere cos i was kinda brain-dead. Didn't seem to be able to apply any accounting concepts on the topic. Changed and left my house to meet dear dear at Serangoon Gardens.

Saw dear dear's little butch cousin, Sam, for the first time. Her first impression of me --- Proud, arrogant and fierce.

Am i?

That's not the first time i'm hearing that comment. No wonder pal-the-2nd asked me not to wear contact lenses but specs instead as that will make me look more friendly to a certain extent.

But as a matter of fact, i think i look nicer with lenses. Hmmm...What should i do? Anyway, i was on the phone with min min when i reached the eating place last night. Couldn't really say 'Hi' or greet them. Probably that's why sam, who saw me for the first time, felt that way.

But ppl, trust that i'm not some kinda monster...I don't eat kids...Wahahaha!

Okie, so back to Happy Daze.

Felt kinda out-of-place initially when we first reached that place for we had sooo many kids with us. I mean, we had 3 children aged 12 to 14. That was such a memorable chilling out session man! The first time in my life that i actually sat at some cafes with kids! Hilarious!~

So sam, esther and i began to talk. And i think she totally changed her opinion of me. She ought to! I'm friendly, alright!

Haha!

Had a nice chat. I was even playing the role of a counsellor when i talked to the 14-yr old emelyn ( I hope i got it right, gal... ) regarding the unhappiness she has been experiencing with one of her good friends recently. Hmmm...Sometimes, talking to kids really brings back memories of the past. I still remember how shufen and i almost fought outside the classroom 5 mins before the english test when we were in sec 4. Sooo memorable...

Those were the days...Days filled with laughter and happiness...

Sometimes, growing up is just too tiring.

Oh yar, i guess i ought to mention what i've done today.

So, i came back at 4 plus in the morning after a pool session with dear dear, esther, sam and marilyn ( dear dear's super duper good buddy ). By the way, marilyn doesn't dislike me. I wonder why i am sooo likeable nowadays. Shameless? No ar, i'm being pretty serious here! I never knew ppl will actually find me okie or even nice. Thought i have been a rather bad person all these while...

Ermmm, what was i talking about?

Oh...So i came back home, feeling extremely tired. Bathed without shampooing my hair. ( Yucks! ) Had planned to continue with the assignment but i couldn't bring myself to get down to work anymore. So, i head to bed, bearing in mind that i die die have to wake up early in the morning to continue with serious work. Then, dear dear followed after she was done with the PC. She asked if i was angry when marilyn sat on her lap earlier while we were at the pool centre. I told her i'll give her an answer the next time. At times, i just feel that certain issues should not be discussed right after it has taken place. But dear dear doesn't feel so. She said i'm just like sylvia, then turned to have her back facing me, when we were on the same bed. I was pissed. DAMN pissed. I turned my back too. Alright, that's childish, i know.

I waited for quite some time. 1 min or so, i guess. I expected dear dear to give in and start coaxing me. She didn't. I thought i had waited long enough. So i got out of bed, took my ciggi and went to the kitchen. Thought i needed to cool down.

I puffed, and thought about how i would have felt if dear dear was the one who did not answer my question.

Came back into the room. Saw dear dear playing with her phone. I did not lie down on the bed immediately, but stared at her, still hoping she'll start coaxing me. I mean, i only wanted a first move. She didn't have to apologize or even mention the word 'sorry'. All i wanted was an effort to hug me and let me feel better inside.

Again, she didn't.

I was no longer pissed, but disappointed.

Lay on bed, with my back facing her. Disappointment was all i felt.

Then, dear dear turned to ask me to sleep properly and have my head on the pillow.

Hmmm...That's what i call an effort to make the first move. It's easy to coax me, isn't it?

So disappointment vanished and we started talking bout certain issues.

I told dear dear i'm always getting the feeling that she doesn't care. She claimed she feels that i can just get her out of my life anytime.

I wonder why we are thinking that way? That's not very healthy for the relationship.

I asked, "How sad will you be if one day, i leave this world suddenly?"

That was what cindy have always liked to ask.

I almost teared when i eventually heard dear dear's reply.

At that moment, when i was hugging dear dear so tightly, i felt that she makes up my entire world. I love her soooo...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Today's 21st August. Cindy would have turned 19 today if she's still with me. I have already promised to get her the nike bag she have always wanted previously. I ought to be at some birthday bash of my beautiful sis. But here i am, blogging away.

Happy 19th birthday, my darling baby. May all your wishes come true... ... ...
Jie jie misses you...

Dear dear, i need you...Today's not a good day...