SS jie just left my house. Left just 30 sec ago. Let's see if i'll see her online again tonight.

Was busy fixing some photographs during the past half an hour or so. Yeah, "fixing". As in, i was collating some of the pics i have taken with my bro, when we were real young. I was only 2, 3 or 4 years old when the pics were taken, i guess. Have this big, big photo frame in my room. Bought it from Ikea a few years back when i had with me a nice and somehow meaningful photo taken in a professional studio house in Bangkok. Right now, the photo no longer holds any meaning, though the old me still looks nice. Took down the photo frame quite some time ago, when i felt that it's nothing more than an ornament with a nice shot of myself. Had nothing much to do earlier and so decided to put up some of the pics which are really meaningful, and obviously, important to me. Chose to put up some of my childhood pics. Pics of ONLY me and my bro. Came across some nice ones we had taken with my baby sis, and i really mean "BABY" sis this time round. Did not pick those. I wouldn't want my parents to look at them and feel sad. No way.

Cindy wasn't really a beauty when she was young, except for the couple of years when she was 2 or 3. She really did resemble a mixed blood then! Just don't look like a chinese kid somehow. Then, when she was ready for nursery, the size of her eyes somehow "shrank". And she grew fatter day by day. That's what happened to me too, by the way. Heredity? Perhaps. Haha!

It was only until the recent 1, 2 or 3 years that she grew to be such a beauty. Slimmed down tremendously. Lost more than 20 kg. No joke! Or perhaps i should call her an "artificial beauty"? No need for any guesses. She DID NOT undergo any plastic surgery, folks. But, i can only make myself call her a "beauty" when she has her make-up on. So am i right to classify her as an "artificial beauty" in that sense?

Conducted two sessions today, from 2pm to 5pm. Both students had a hard time. Ppl, you guys should know why i said that, don't you?

Yar, what you have in mind is absolutely correct, both got scoldings from me.

Felt lethargic throughout the entire afternoon, though i slept more than 7 hours. Perhaps i'm just not into the mood of working. Perhaps.

Ended the sessions, walked back home, called mum while i was heading home to ask if she needed me to buy any take-away food for her. She wasn't hungry, so i went to get mee siam for myself. On the way back after getting my meal, heartache struck me once again.

Felt intense pain.

The picture of my baby sis on the hospital bed came to my mind.

Tried my best not to think about that. Tried so hard not to.

Walked as fast as i could, so that i could reach home a few sec sooner. Everything would be alright once i see my mum at home. I'll just have something to talk about and be able to cast the scene out of my mind.

I wasn't scared.

I was feeling intense ache, right there, in my heart.

I guess i'm still not quite okay. I'm not totally fine with the fact. I can accept it, but not go along with it.

If given a choice, i wouldn't want that.