I can't get to sleep anyway. So i thought it would be best for me to blog. There's nothing for me to do. All that needs to be done have been done. All tears have been shed. All kinds of heart pains and aches have been experienced. For the first time in my life, i cried with a fist clenched tightly and held close to my heart, for fear that my weak heart may just sink to the bottom any moment. Have always known what does it mean by being sad, upset, lonely, desperate, disappointed bla bla bla. But, i didn't know i actually left out this one kind of negative feelings - "gek sim". Hokkiens out there, do you understand what's i'm trying to convey?

Never felt like that before. Never.

Never did i know i love my baby sister this much.

At the age of 18, her life began, and ended at the same time.



My poor baby...



I miss her so much. I miss her pesters, though i used to go ard and ask ppl if nuisance from their sisters are driving them nuts. I thought it was nonsense from my sis that stressed me so much. It's only now that i realize her ridiculous behaviour and words were elements which kept me going and felt like coming home. It's 12.04am now. Usually, i mean, just a few days back, we would be fighting over who should be using the pc.

Why?

She's only 18. I've already turned 21 even before i realized how fast time has passed. I've gotten the 'key' from my mum. I really wish i could give her one nice 'key' 2 yrs later. But why is it that she couldn't even wait for me to do that?

Cindy,

Jie jie misses u a lot. Jie jie loves u a lot. I've never told u 'I Love You'. Can u hear me now from where u are? U must be good, alright? Don't be as short-tempered as before.

I don't know what else i can say.

Yar, i do go ard telling ppl to take things easier and not be too sad. But i can't do that, not now. She's my one and only sister, for goodness' sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've lost her, i really have. She's not here anymore. Ironically, i told ppl she'll be with them as long as a little corner is reserved for her in their hearts. She don't just have a little space in mine. She is almost occupying the whole of my big heart. But, as a matter of fact, she's ONLY in my heart and memories.

Cindy,

Jie jie loves you...