I'm caught in a stupid situation. On one hand, peers are encouraging me to go ahead and pursue what i want in life, which is to seek university education overseas on a scholarship. On the other hand, seniors are asking me to stay. My parents seem so reluctant to let me go, on the basis of financial inability. My sis is worse, assuming i'll just die in a foreign land if i really go. Bro is rather encouraging, instead, only asking me to consider the entire issue carefully before i make a decision. Ex-lecturers have been rather helpful, but only with words and emotional support. Called godma this morning, and what she said really upsets me - "it's a more mature choice for you to stay in singapore, for if you really leave, nobody's there to shoulder the burden of the household."

I'm beginning to wallow in self-pity.

Who am i living for?

I do understand that that life itself comes with responsibility. But aren't mine a little too heavy?

Dad just entered the room a min ago. Asked if i'm still considering the issue of leaving for overseas studies, and said in a not-so-nice tone that i'd better not go.

I guess i should be the one deciding here, old man!

I don't understand why things always turn out the way they are not supposed to be. Received a letter of offer from SMU today. It's an offer for admission to the uni in AY 2005/2006. Seriously, i'm not really keen in joining the school now. NTU would be a better choice if i were to stay local eventually.

To think of it, i still have one more chance at seeking overseas studies. Feb is approaching and that's the time when almost all available scholarships from organisations and government bodies will be open for application. Should i be able to secure a scholarship during that period, I need not worry about whatever living allowance no more!

So...the decision is, I DON'T KNOW.